This has become my favourite past time. To relive our life together.To think about our love story,to curl up on my sofa on a cold,rainy day while reading our love letters all over again cuddling a cup of hot cocoa. Soon, warmth spreads through me but its more from our letters than my hot cocoa. Well,today is one of those days,and I have this strong urge to share,to tell our story to the world because I can’t hold it in anymore. So am going to tell our story and I hope it brings you as much joy,peace and fulfillment as it has brought me.
I was young when we fell in love with each other. It was a beautiful feeling with the butterflies,clammy hands,racing heart and all. I was enthralled by Him and everything He represented. It was nothing like the crushes I usually had which passed as quickly as they came. I enjoyed being in love with him. He was beautiful,loving,patient and very unpredictable. He was like a puzzle unfolding each day and I always wanted to know more.It was no wonder I couldn’t resist Him,well I hadn’t even wanted to. But even I knew that.
His love for me was much more perfect. He enjoyed spending time with me,talking with me,making me laugh. He spoilt me silly with compliments and He was oh so romantic. Once He had told me “You are altogether beautiful my love,there is no flaw in you.” I had blushed and looked away from him. I believed Him because He NEVER lied(though if you asked me,I had always felt my nose was rather too flat). The highlight of my day was the time when I got to read his letters to me. They always warmed me to my toes. They were always so real,I felt His hand stroking my hair,lifting up my chin and looking into my eyes. Our love relationship progressed and when the time was right,we got married. I’ll always remember that night,I came to Him pure and unsoiled and the love we made that night made me more whole than I had ever imagined. With every kiss He fixed me,with every tender stroke He healed me,beautified me and gave me an everlasting glow. Our life as newlyweds was blissful,it was heaven on earth. I loved it and couldn’t seem to get enough of it. I vowed to be good to Him. I did everything He told me to do,I hung on to His every word,I told people of how good He was,I dwelled in His presence. I worked on my faults but I was doing all these for a wrong reason. To show that I was worthy of His love. One day I told Him,
“You have reasons to love me you know,I’ve worshipped you,told people of your good news,worked on my faults,taken care of your home. I deserve the love you have for me.”
But He looked at me and said ” Nothing you could ever do could make me love you more or less. I have always loved you and will always love you. It has nothing to do with anything that you do. You can’t make yourself worthy or unworthy of my love……” I narrowed my eyes angrily,where did He get off telling me that I couldn’t ever do anything to deserve His love,like He couldn’t see everything I had accomplished.
“No! I deserve your love,I was pure when I came to you remember ?Unsullied,untouched. Did you know how hard it was keep myself?Look what I did telling people about you,some people hated me for it,some people stopped doing business with me.I’ve worked for your love .”
He just looked at me and said “I wish you could understand.”But I couldn’t,I wanted a love I deserved,one that I worked for and gave something for.This began my first affair.It was a short relationship with someone my husband always begged me to stay away from.Someone He told me always came to “Steal,kill and destroy but I didn’t listen.For a few weeks I enjoyed myself,my lover was good to me and his ways were wildly fun but after that the relationship turned parasitic.He stole from me,my time,my money,introduced me to harmful habits,we’d get high together and drink bottles upon bottles.Then the beating would begin.He’d neglect me for days and he never ever told me the words”I love you”which I had taken for granted because love did not exist to him and he was incapable of it. I continued this way until I couldn’t bear it and then I ran back to my husband.I was afraid of what He’d do to me or say but I was convinced I was safer with Him.When He saw me,He began to walk towards me and I suddenly had the urge to turn back and run.He got to me,shoved his hands into his pockets and looked calmly at me. I bowed my head in shame and mumbled
“I am so sorry my husband.I hurt you and I broke our wedding vows..” I broke off at this point crying.He took my chin in His hand and made me look at Him, then He said to me,
“I love you with a love that continues forever.An everlasting love.I am He who blots out your transgression and remembers your sin no more.” He held me lovingly as I cried through out the night.I was ashamed at how easily He had forgiven me.Days passed and I kept expecting my husband to punish me or loose his temper.But He never did.Weeks passed and my feelings of unworthiness heightened,I knew all my faults and insecurities.I knew how guilty I was and what I had done.I couldn’t push these feelings down.Once He asked me what the issue was and I told Him, “You have no faults.You are perfect,you are good to me.I don’t know why and how you could keep loving me.I know what I’ve done to you and I hate myself.How do you keep loving me?”He said to me “My love has no fear because my love is perfect and expels all fear.If you are afraid,it is for fear of judgement and this shows that my love has not been perfected in you yet.” He drew closer and said ” I love you in spite of your flaws,your fears,in spite of everything and I can’t ever stop.”I was satisfied with this answer for a while but weeks passed and then I began to feel restless.Everytime He forgave me,I felt more guilty,I couldn’t stop hurting Him.This bothered me to no end even though my husband tried His best to reassure me but I couldn’tlet go of all my insecurities.Since I had convinced myself I was filthy,I decided to leave my husband a second time so certain I didn’t deserve Him.He pleaded with me but I wouldn’t listen and once again I left Him.I went back to my lover and he hadn’t changed.He was even worse than I remembered.He crushed my dreams and tried to break my spirit.I knew I could have gone back to my husband but I didn’t know how I’d face Him.Then finally my lover decided he wanted to get rid of me.He tied me down,chained my ankles and wrists to the bed.Just as I closed my eyes expecting my inevitable end,I heard a loud scream and I opened my eyes to see my husband fighting my lover and his friends.They all ran away fleeing in all directions.I was so ashamed that I cried loudly, saying
“Oh!You came,how did you,how could you,after all I have done,you still came for me…..”
He broke the chains and said “I am with you,I am mighty to save.I will take great delight in you I will quiet you with my love,I will rejoice over you with singing.” I continued crying as I said, “I called to you in my heart,I knew only you could help me.”He smiled and helped me into my clothes as He said,
“I will answer you when you are in distress,may my name protect you.I will go before you and I will be with you.I will never leave you nor forsake you.Do not be afraid or discouraged.”
My husband took me back home and into His life.He said to me, “Come now and let us reason together though your sins are scarlet,they shall be white as snow.”My husband was so forgiving,time and time again he forgave me and so I knew what I had to do but to be sure I asked in a timid,repentant voice I had asked,
“What would I have to do my husband?To show that am repentant?”He said to me “You don’t have to prove anything to me,beloved.But I want you to promise to make me your Lord again,you will have no gods before me.You will be a faithful and loving bride.I will be your one and only lover.You will worship me in spirit and in truth and trust in me and my ways completely.”I nodded and asked “Is that all?”He smiled and said to me
“Beloved,my yoke is easy.”In perfect submission,I made a vow to love him always and forever.I unbuckled my shoes of hate and anger,I unzipped my skirt of unworthiness and watch it slide to the floor,I unbuttoned my shirt of guilt and fear but my undergarment of pain and shame wouldn’t just come off.Crying, I struggled with it until He finally came and helped me. I took my old clothes and burnt them,saying goodbye to that life.I stood before Him naked and unashamed.Devoid of all my sin and filthiness,waiting for His touch to make me whole again.He touched me then and I could never explain what He did to me.It was like our first night together.He then clothed me with new garments.Undergarments of forgiveness,a shirt of peace and joy,a skirt of love,shoes of grace and earrings of His divine beauty.He had then sealed all this with the most passionate kiss ever.Days passed,weeks passed and our marriage waxed strong.One day out of gratitude,I wrote him this song,
“You who redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with love and compassion. You who loved me with an everlasting love and have drawn me with loving kindness. You who led me with cords of human kindness,ties of love,who lifted my yoke from my neck and bent down to feed me. I will rejoice in you and delight in your salvation. You whose plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me,to give me a hope and a future. I will give thanks to you my lord for you are good and your love endures forever.He was so delighted by this song and I sang it for him over and over until we both fell asleep in each other’s arms under the cool moonlight.
Dear Lord,I hope they enjoyed our story.Help them to see they can have the same encounter.In the meantime,I love you my lord,now and forever. Thanks for your Right-Hand-Man,THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH,He protects me,guides me and tells the funniest jokes ever.Counting the days till am with you again.Xoxoxo.
By REKANOR MBEH
REKANOR MBEH is an undergraduate of the faculty of Law, University of Calabar, Nigeria. she says ” I am just a young christian who cant seem to get enough of God’s love and His faithfulness. i hope to keep writing, God willing and I hope you enjoyed reading.”