” He’s with me.”
I used to lie on my bed and read my bible,soon the tears dropped till the words got blurred and I couldn’t read anymore. I used to close my eyes to say an honest prayer and then before I knew it,my thoughts were all jumbled up and my mind would wander and I’d just find myself shaking my head rigorously saying over and over “In Jesus name”. I used to worship and try my best to “feel” the songs but I always ended up just singing the songs and hoping God would understand. I used to convince myself God couldn’t stand me because I was “Somewhere in the middle”. That song used to continually be in my mouth. I used to punish myself for living like this. I used to convince God that He should hate me,that I didn’t deserve Him. I used to condemn myself and tell myself that the only reason I read the Bible was to mark my calender. The worst part was that He was so good to me and I used to hate the fact that I was not reciprocating. I wanted to be a “thunderbolt” Christian. The one that always had fire coursing through her veins.The one that could ask talk to God all the time. I used to wish I could feel God with me. I used to feel lonely. But one day listening to a message I had heard so many times,something struck me. Paraphrased,it went something like this
“Jesus became a lonely figure on the cross so that you can feel God’s constant presence. Jesus took our forsakeness just so we can always have His constant presence.”
So I finally had fire coursing through my veins. The moment I acknowledged the ministry of the cross by believing in Jesus, loneliness was lost to me. From that moment onwards,God NEVER took his eyes off me. So now I know He’s with me and never leaving. He can never leave me.I have his CONSTANT presence and fellowship. So I read my bible with a new understanding,not looking for “rhemas” any more but just fellowshipping with my God, So now I pray and focus on Him,because I know He can and chooses to hear, because as He told me this morning,He rewards those who dilligently seek Him,with his presence.Because I know I have His attention. I don’t bother myself with the maths of how many people on earth He’s listening to. So now I worship and know am singing to someone who loves and acknowledges it. So I no longer want to feel fire in my bones all that much because I feel something else.God revealing Himself to me,talking with me,changing things in me,helping me out of the middle zone. So now I know even when am alone,am not lonely. He’s with me,beaming at me with approval and enjoying being with me. So now am not desperate for love from guys because am beginning to know a Love that is constant,no pressures,no sin,just love.What’s better is that I will never be unloved. It has no end.Till I breathe my last,I will never be lonely. Everybody can have this experience,Just believe in Jesus and ALLOW Him pour His love on you.Trust me He will and that’s when you’ll understand that you don’t need to ever do anything for love.Not sex,not compromise because there is a God who will always love you and when the time is right,show you His love in human form by giving you a young man/woman to spend your life with. So for me right now,am basking in the euphoria of God’s love and presence so much that its #NO SUM# for me.No sex until marriage. Because I will always have love and never have to work for it or prove it.
#You are not forsaken#
#You are loved#
Join us as we celebrate virginity day, June 13. check out #nosum
By REKANOR MBEH
Today happens to be Reckanor’s Birthday! May God keep using your pen to bless many hearts!
REKANOR MBEH is an undergraduate of the faculty of Law, University of Calabar, Nigeria. she says ” I am just a young christian who cant seem to get enough of God’s love and His faithfulness. i hope to keep writing, God willing and I hope you enjoyed reading.”