I am writing this with so much gratitude in my heart to God for all the life truths that He used this phase of my life to bring me into.
I felt led to write this for that ONE PERSON who may want to give up on love or God. Please hold on, the master storyteller has a custom-made love story for you.
I was dealing with the breakup from a relationship of over a decade and was ‘fragile’ at that point of my life. But beyond fragile, my trust in God was alive, breathing and growing. Letting go of the relationship was pretty tough and being without it wasn’t easy, in any way.
It was during this time of my life that I was praying to God and asking Him for direction for my life. I had told Him that I wasn’t interested in any relationship until further notice and I thought we had agreed. Well, I knew we didn’t agree because I could almost feel God giving me the ‘yimu’ every time I told Him.
One night, I was on my knees praying for my life’s direction, especially about the media firm I was running, when out of the blues, the Lord dropped it on me.
I paused my prayer and gave the ‘Where did that come from?’ look towards heaven. I was speaking to God about my career, ministry and money and He was talking to me about heart matters.
“You feel something deep for Modupe” (paraphrased) was the thought resounding in my heart).
“Really?”, I said sarcastically and stood up. I was done praying.
After then, I knew I just had to know.
Being in a ministry to the opposite sex has taught me to never nurture a feeling I knew I wasn’t going to pursue. I had been friends with Modupe, in fact we were prayer partners (my first official one), and I knew I liked her but I definitely wasn’t going to check what the ‘like’ was about.
Also, I believe in loyalty to one partner, so I had eyes and heart for just the person I was in the previous relationship with. Thus, no thoughts of such have been allowed to drop in my heart, but truth was I did like Modupe.
After days (and weeks, I think) of ignoring this thing that God was pointing me towards, I decided I needed to face my life and know what was truly happening.
At this time, we were planning her program together, ‘Praise Roar’, so we were doing quite a number of things together.
I decided I needed to go on a retreat after I noticed that quite a number of girls were beginning to ‘hope’ since I had broken my relationship and I sure didn’t want to be confused.
I got home that Sunday, after a comedy show where though I was seated, I wasn’t present. My mind was roaming and the jokes didn’t even score any points with me.
I was eager to leave and when it was time to do so I discovered Modupe had disappeared when I was going to say my goodbyes. It pained me somehow sha.
I got home, put a few things in my backpack and set out for my friend’s place to have this alone time with God. My intention was to not leave there until God gave me details, FULL DETAILS.
It was like God had been eagerly waiting to continue this discussion of my life with me. The first day I dedicated to surrendering all my desires and wants and everything to God and choosing to take what He wants for me. I told him I wanted His will more than mine.
With the scripture “Delight thyself in the Lord and He shall grant you your heart desires”, God opened me up to surrendering to Him and I felt like I had found God’s ‘mumu button’.
Day 2, I placed the most paramount matter at the top of my heart before God and God exposed my heart to me and I suddenly discovered the depth of love that I did have for Modupeoluwa, and afterwards God spoke to me about our lives together.
I surprised myself with the excitement that showed in me. I was delighted. I was laughing and smiling sheepishly like when you find something you have always wanted but never knew this was it, I was delighted.
All through the days of my time alone with God, God confirmed to me in different forms – dreams, vision, scriptures – that the desire in my heart for Modupe was worth pursuing. I officially asked Him to give me His daughter first, since I knew Modupe was His and well today the rest is history.
I will skip the part where I asked her out because it’s not in the scope of the reason for sharing this, and also because, I must say I didn’t deliver as much as I had planned to. Lol.
But the truth is, the moment I knew, love was always propelling me to act. I wanted to delay the asking out but I just couldn’t. I had to declare my love. God also gave me a name for her. A name that would be a hint into what she will be to me.
Now, wherever you are, whether you have made mistakes before or not. Whether your heart has been broken or you are the one who broke hearts, if you truly surrender to God and trust Him, I can guarantee you that all things will work together for you.
Don’t harass yourself with trial and error, or testing to see if one will work or not. Don’t. God always has a plan. Always.
I bid you today to ask for His plan and choose to live by it.
Keep pursuing God. Keep becoming the woman He has called you to be. Stop trying to live your life so that a man can notice and all those things.
First, become the woman. First, make your Love (God) proud of you. First, pursue life with a passionate dedication, then Mr. Boo / Mrs. Bae will come along.
Ladies, you life isn’t about just marriage, don’t waste life pursuing that that you forget to get a life.
Remember, it is called a life partner, you need a life first then a partner. God will settle everyone at just the right time!
I am grateful to God for the blessing of Modupe that He has given me and I am certain that you will experience such blessings too!
I hope this ignites something in your heart. Thank you for reading.